I am having the hardest time understanding that you are not here anymore. I absolutely took for granted that you were supposed to be here. That you could call, or I could text or message... I know we had a typical sibling life. Our foundation the same because we grew up together and went through the same things. We drifted into our own lives, found what worked and what didn't and what did again. I was so happy for you when you started your family. You were putting you life together, you were happy and loved Jennifer and the kids so much. You were the best dad, worried when life was scary, played hard when it wasn't. I think of visiting you on my honeymoon... you made an amazing dinner for us. You were so proud to show off your home. I was proud of you. I hope you knew that, I know you knew that I loved you. When you were in the ICU last month, we were all so scared that you could have died then~ John didn't hesitate on telling me to go. He actually told me I would regret it if I didn't and something happened to you. I am so incredibly grateful that I came down, that I gave you hugs and kissed you. That we laughed a little. I feel cheated out of time, but you must have been needed on the other side. I am happy that you won't know anymore pain, that you don't have the hurt and heartache that this world has. You are missed, You were loved more than you know. It does warm my heart to see so many that loved you... I will keep you in my heart and memory until we meet again lil brother~ love Nikki